I AM KOREAN AMERICAN

Own Words

I have the tendency to dream unrealistically big. Yeah yeah I know all the cliches say things like “dream big and it’ll come true” or “it all starts with a dream” and then there are those success stories of people who started out with a dream and then made it BIG. Yeah ok well thanks for making me feel lamer. I want to go to UCLA (secretly I want to go to Stanford or Johns Hopkins and become haha you guessed it, A DOCTOR! but to save myself from the humiliation of rejection, let’s just leave it at getting into UCLA, which itself is no simple task to accomplish).

I think that part of my unceasing ambition in the face of failure (which has lately become quite a familiar face) is due to my Korean nature. I’m very competitive, I have very quick “noon-chi”, which basically means I’m always aware of the people and situation around me, and yes, I’ll admit it, I’m very prideful. Quite Korean aren’t I? But if I have such Korean characteristics, why don’t I feel or look Korean? Lately I have been struggling with this issue a lot. I want people to accept me as Korean. No I’m not Chinese, no, I’m not Japanese either–Korean darn it!

Now to my fellow Korean Americans I probably look very Korean American to you, but whenever I go to Korea, they automatically know I’m a “weh-gook-inn” or foreigner. I want to be associated with my Korean home dogs yo. Like no matter how “fobby” I dress too, I always have this distinctive look of “American.” What is wrong with me! At times I really wonder how different I would be if I was raised in Korea. Iden! tity crisis, I think you would call this? I mean don’t get me wrong, I love the fact I’m American, Go USA! But I want to connect with my Korean roots and Korean people. What I have now is sort of a one way connection–I am very in sync with the kpop and Korean drama world, and can’t live without bap and kimchi! But I want Korea to accept me as a Korean, not as a foreigner. Hey I’m your kind! Please accept me…